Leave Room for Wonderful

I caught myself doing something recently that I suspect many of us do.

I have an upcoming event that I'm looking forward to. Well, mostly. There are a few things about it that I suspect could be uncomfortable, based on past experiences. So, naturally, I've been thinking about what might happen, how I might respond, and what I'll do if things don't go particularly well.

In other words, I've been preparing myself for problems that haven't happened yet. And here's the interesting part: They might not happen at all!

About a month ago, one of my teachers, Iman, shared a piece of wisdom that has stayed with me. Essentially, he reminded us not to spend our time trying to solve problems we don't have yet.

The Difference Between Preparing and Expecting

Now, don't get me wrong. I believe in being prepared. Sometimes we know we're entering a situation that could be challenging. We may need to establish boundaries, be mindful of our energy, or decide how we want to respond if something uncomfortable happens.

There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's wise.

But as I was thinking about this upcoming event, I realized something. I wasn't just preparing for what might happen. I was beginning to assume that it would happen.

And those are two very different things.

I can decide how I want to show up. I can honor my boundaries and take responsibility for my own energy. I can choose not to participate in conversations or situations that don't feel good to me. And I can do all of that without assuming that I'm going to need to!

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how easily we can turn preparation into expectation. We start with a reasonable concern, imagine a possible difficulty, and then begin planning how we'll handle it. Before long, we've mentally experienced an entire series of unpleasant events that haven't actually occurred.

And sometimes we arrive at the experience already exhausted from everything we've imagined!

What Are We Expecting?

Our expectations can be powerful. They influence what we notice, how we interpret what's happening around us, and how we respond.

If I go into this event expecting to be uncomfortable, I may find myself watching for every little thing that confirms my expectations. A casual comment might feel like criticism. An innocent question might sound like a challenge. I could become so focused on protecting myself from something unpleasant that I miss the opportunity to enjoy what's actually happening.

And wouldn't that be a shame?

This doesn't mean ignoring our intuition or dismissing what we've learned from past experiences. Those experiences can offer valuable information and give us good reasons to be prepared. But even when our concerns are justified, we still don't know exactly how a future experience will turn out.

And I actually had a wonderful reminder of this just a couple of weeks ago.

I was preparing to attend my cousin's Celebration of Life, and I wasn't particularly looking forward to it. I expected it might be sad, emotional, and perhaps a little heavy. After all, those are perfectly natural expectations when we're gathering to remember someone we've lost.

But you know what? I was so pleasantly surprised!

It was delightful! There was laughter, love, wonderful memories, and the joy of being together. Of course, there was sadness, too. We were there because someone we loved was no longer with us. But rather than the heavy experience I had anticipated, it was a beautiful celebration of a life, filled with warmth and connection.

And I came away so glad I had gone.

There was nothing unreasonable about my expectations. They simply weren't what actually happened.

You would think I might have learned something from that experience, wouldn't you?

Apparently, I needed another opportunity to practice!

Leaving Room for Something Better

I've been thinking about how much time we spend imagining what could go wrong. We worry about situations that haven't occurred, anticipate reactions we haven't received, and try to figure out solutions to problems that may never exist.

And yet, how often do we devote that same energy to considering what could go wonderfully right?

What if the conversation is pleasant? What if everyone gets along? What if the experience turns out to be enjoyable, meaningful, or even fun?

I'm not suggesting that we put on rose-colored glasses and pretend everything will be perfect. Life doesn't work that way, and neither do people. But I am suggesting that we give positive possibilities at least as much consideration as negative ones.

After all, if we don't know what's going to happen, why automatically choose the unpleasant version?

And there's something else worth remembering. We don't have to figure out how to handle every possible situation before it occurs. We can trust ourselves to recognize what's happening, access our inner wisdom, and make choices that support us in the moment.

A Different Kind of Preparation

So, as I think about my upcoming event, I'm making a different choice.

I'm still going to be mindful of my boundaries. I'm still going to pay attention to my energy and honor what feels true for me. Those things matter, regardless of what anyone else does.

But I'm also going to allow myself to look forward to the experience without attaching a whole collection of imagined difficulties to it.

Maybe everything will go beautifully. Maybe there will be a few uncomfortable moments. Maybe something entirely unexpected will happen.

I don't know yet. And that's the point.

I can prepare for an experience without deciding in advance what that experience is going to be.

And so can you.

The next time you find yourself anticipating a difficult situation, consider whether you're preparing for a possibility or already treating it as a certainty. Give yourself permission to establish whatever boundaries you need, trust yourself to handle what actually happens, and remain open to an outcome you may not have considered.

What if, instead of asking ourselves what could go wrong, we also made room to wonder what could go wonderfully right?

Let's leave room for wonderful.